I'm A Mess

I guess you really want to hear about how the day went. Well, even the girls who are a little boy crazy ....well, we're Gallagher Girls. We're kind of...competitive. 

I've never seen such intense P&E  workouts. 

Maybe some of these girl think they look cuter if they're kicking someones butt. 

Maybe they just don't want to be shown up by some boy

I trained the same as I always do. I worked hard, but only hard enough to learn the move. Then I trained hard later that afternoon, when everyone else was busy.

We may be supposed to work with these boys, but there is no reason to show them more then I have to. 

Never give out free information.

But at the same time, I didn't let anyone take me down. I worked as hard as I needed to. I haven't sparred with any boys today. And the Culture and Assimilation class wasn't on anything to embarrassing.  That was nice of Madame D. 

I'm kind of exhausted. I still miss my parents. I don't know when they're are coming back. I miss them. I thought it would be better with everyone there. 

It isn't. The sun was going down and everyone was inside by the fire studying or watching TV. I snuck out to the barn and began to box. I worked and worked until I got into a flow, tears flowing freely down my face. I only broke out of my trance when my knuckles began to bleed. I dropped and began to do push ups until my stomach felt sick. 

I sat for a minute, breathing heavily. I was planning to go run in the woods, along the path. The dark didn't bother me. I opened the door and saw the rain pouring down. 

"To run or not to run?" I asked, my voice cracking. "I can't come in soaking wet, but I feel like a could use a run in the rain." 

"You don't look like you need to go out in the rain." Alec drawled from his spot in the loft. He was sitting with his back against the wall. A book lay across his lap. 

At times today, I was glad I had gotten Alec. Or Alec had gotten me. Whatever. 

But right now I was spitting mad. This was MY TIME. I clearly wanted to be alone. Why can't he let me be? 

I could have said something witty. Or cutting. Or things that would have made Madame D  (and Liz and my Mom ) wash my mouth out with soap. But instead I fixed him with an evil glare. I stared at him. He looked down, calmly meeting my eyes. 

I turned on my heel and fled. I walked stiffly out the door, but as soon as I was out of sight and hearing I ran. I ran back to the house, snuck up the back stairs to my room and turned on the bath water. Only then, with the  bathroom door locked, did I stop and look in the mirror. 

Mascara ran down my tear lined face, and my  knuckles knuckles bleeding over my clenched hands. 

I'm a mess.


I felt a little better once I had taken a hot bath. But I wasn't at peace with myself when I fell asleep that night.