Nope. Not Cas.

The kitchen is running fairly smoothly. I had a bit of trouble with one of the Junior boys, but literally every girl in there turned and glared at him and silently threatened him with whatever they had near them (Knives, frying pans, mops, serving trays, cheese graters and cucumbers) and he shut up.

I'm not sure how I did it, but I haven't broken down and started crying in front of everyone yet, so I think I'm doing pretty good. Not emotionally, I mean acting wise.

We got fairly good news. Dad called back in, but now that the kitchen thing is on my shoulders... I haven't gotten a moment of emotional peace.

I'm just very, very stressed out. So today, I happily, but a little tiredly waved everyone out of the kitchen and started to work on the menu for the next week.

But I couldn't focus, so I left.

There are these tiny little balconies off the library and that's where I went, slipping out the doors and letting the white curtains slide shut behind me.

The summer breeze is very calming, and normally that's all I need to calm myself down. Sit outside, breathe and look at the stars.

But not tonight. I ended up curled in a little ball, knees tucked to my chest, crying.

Sometimes you just need to get tears out of your system, so I sat and cried as silently as I could. I was just about finished when I heard footsteps behind me and the curtains swishing open.

Great.

 I sighed and said "I'm really not in the mood."

Nothing.

"I'm fine, Cas. I just don't want to talk about it."

"Fine." A voice that was diffidently NOT Cas said. "I'll just stand here."

I whipped my head around. Alex. Bloody Alex.

Crud..

Well, it kind of was too late to hide the fact that I was sobbing by myself, but I tried.

"Oh, hey!" I said, in a fairly normal voice, which would have been extremely convincing if my throat wasn't clogged up and if mascara wasn't running down my face.
"What are you doing? What do you think of my crying? I've been practicing FOREVER to get it right. It's so hard to get the sniffle right, you know...." I probably would have kept babbling on, but Alex snapped "Would you cut the crap? Since when have you had to pretend around me?"

The happy but very fake smile dropped away, but it wasn't Sad Me that appeared.
"Since you lied to me, tricked me and had me tortured?"

"First of all, it was interrogation, NOT torture..."I snorted but he kept going "And second, it was training, Nobody got hurt...."

"I've got split lip selfies that tell a different story."

"That wasn't supposed to happen. Kat, I wouldn't hurt you...."

"Can you even hear yourself?" I screeched. "You lied and acted to get close to me, and then used everything you had learned against me."

"I wasn't even in charge of your interrogation process! What are you getting mad at me for?"

"You had no idea what they were doing with me? Then why did you have the bloody fake split lip?"

"That? That was for one of the other girls. The dark haired senior who  doesn't like seeing other people getting hurt. Why? What does that have to do with you?"

"Idiot" was all I said as I went to walk past him. He grabbed my arm and asked. "What? What is that supposed to mean?"

I face burned. There was no way I was going to tell him that they had used him against me. And that it had worked.  "If you care so much, go look at the security videos."
Startled, just stood there as I jerked my arm free and walked away. "But don't worry. It won't work ever again."  I called over my shoulder and walked out of the library.

I couldn't go back to my room, not like this. So I walked down and out the front door and went for a quick run in the woods. When I left, Alex was still standing in the balcony door way.

-K

Nobody Even Sees Me

My parents still haven't called back in.
Nothing is certain yet. There is still hope they'll make it back to us.

If not....how will I tell my brother?


All these students, trained to observe and to notice, can't see what I'm feeling.
What I'm going through.

But then again I suppose I've been trained to hide my feelings.

Cas knows. After we met each other, trying to hide out tears in one of the not so secret tunnels, we told each other our problems
My missing parents and her dead mother and her still grieving father.

Her mother, an excellent spy, died of cancer a few years ago. Her father has been trying to work though his grief by constantly working.
He's forgotten his daughter is grieving too.

Another person who notices is Alex.
It's just like last time.


Except there will never be a time like last time.
Last time,
He was just a boy. A boy who understood what I was going through. A boy that was there for me.

But then he betrayed me.
He broke my trust.

I can never trust him again.

And sometimes I have to remind myself of that. Sometimes I glance over at him and see him looking so concerned and worried, I have to remind myself to stay away.
I have to tell myself not to trust him.

Not again.

I don't need my heart broken again.

-K

*SIGH*

Every thing is a mess.

I'm worried about my parents. They don't normally go on missions. What if they were compromised? What if they're out of practice? Why didn't they call in?

Nobody notices. Lily is busy with some project or other that see is working on with the twins and I barely even see her. Jess is filling her time clinging to David or glaring at the new girl.
She isn't even really a new girl anyway. She's been here two weeks.

Oddly, she's one of the few people who knows. Well, I don't think she knows about my parents. I mean, she is one of the few people who notices that something is wrong. She just glances up with those deep green eyes of hers like she's seen all the pain in the world.

Everyone else is a adult. They just give me those sympathetic glances when they walk by.

The other student who knows is Alex. He just looks at me with those bloody concerned eyes. But he stays away. Ever since the gym, he's kept his distance.

I not still mad at him. I avoid him because I'm so ....emotionally conflicted right now. About him. About my parents.

I just....

I need time to think.

-K

One Reason Why I'm Worried

I've been feeling better of late.
Alec is always around. Well, not always...

But often. When I fake smile he gives me a look like " Be happy or I'll make you happy"

That in and of its self normally makes me smile. I can imagine he doing something crazy in the middle of Countries of The World, just to make me smile.

I don't cry as much as I did. In fact, I hardly cried then...it was just easier for me to snap.

Its good to know that there is someone else who knows. Someone who has my back.



I'm worried about my parents. They don't normally go on missions. They are more or less retired. Mom mostly works at Langley in a desk job and Dad teaches wilderness survival to CIA Operatives. (The adult kind. Not the training since childhood kind)

They haven't been on a mission that was this long in a long long time.

And that's one of the reasons why I'm so stressed.

I am also questioning myself. Do I REALLY have what it takes to be an operative? Will I crack under the pressure when the time comes?

I have to go to class now...

-K

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas

I miss my family, but I'll stick to my cover to the end.

-K

Mom and Dad's Merry Christmas Mission

I just got a call from my Dad. (No cell phone. Duh. He called the office) I rushed down to talk to him. He has to go on a mission. Mom is going with him. I will have to spend the holidays at Gallagher. Not that I don't like my school, just I was so excited to see my parents and I never suspected this could happen. Mom and Dad are mostly retired. Mom mostly just teaches and does office work. Dad travels around a lot giving talks and briefings. An old mission opened up. They are going as their old covers (romantic couple get away) returning years later.

They called to let me know and ask if that would be ok. Of course I said "Yes, go ahead. I'll be fine."

But I'm a spy. We lie.


-K

Finals are over!

Finals are over!  I got a pretty good garde. A s and B s.

Even better, my parents will be here by the end of the week to pick me up! I'm so excited to go back home and spend the holidays with my family!

Since I will be at home, I wont be posting during Christmas Break. '

So bye bye and Merry Christmas!

-K

Fandom Friday: Dr. Strange

 



So Headmistress Morgan managed to get tickets for every girl at GA to go watch the Dr. Strange Movie. ( She did the same thing with Star Wars: The force awakens, but that didn't turn out so good, since a bunch of girls tried to make a light saber. It took a lot for the teachers to convince them to stop.)

I loved it. I really liked the Cloak of Levitation. And I want a sling ring. I loved the end credit (The nice one with Thor, not the other one.)

Anyway, So I loved it so much. I went in Roseville and I went again with my Dad and Mom, and again with some on my non GA friends.







And Yes. I am a Cumberbatch fan. But I was before, so.





I really REALLY want a sling ring.

-K